“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” ~ Albert Schweitzer
Please take a moment to watch the video below. It will provide you with hope and context for a wonderful new way forward. Be sure to complete your Journal of Grace in the next 7 days. God Bless, Team Grace
Selected Text From Grieve With Grace™…
Following, I have extracted a small portion of Chapter 4 of Grieve With Grace for your benefit. Enjoy!
It’s not that purpose cures grief, it’s that a heightened State of Grace leads to a heightened sense of purpose.
This means that stone by stone, we must build the archway of Grace over the valley of dread, and feelings of great loss.
To put this resource to best use, I would like to put the idea of Gratitude in context. Think of it as a short refresher on the chapter content, with several scientific, scholarly papers on WHY this is a critical area that folks who grieve must address.
It is my feeling that properly addressed, an attitude of gratitude will help you exit grief much faster than permitting depression and anger to rob you of your future.
First, let’s get on the same page with the classic definition of Gratitude, then move on to my story and why you should care. (Actually, I am grateful to even be writing this for you:)
DEFINITION: Gratitude is a warm feeling of thankfulness towards the world, or towards specific individuals. The person who feels gratitude is thankful for what they have and does not constantly seek more. The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.
When you lose someone close to you it is hard to imagine that warm feelings and words like gratitude, appreciation, or thankfulness would enter your thoughts.
You are hurting. In real physical and emotional pain.
What is there to be grateful for?
The comforting, joyful, memorable experiences that you once enjoyed is still there in your mind, but now that person is gone. All your dreams of a future life with this person are gone.
Stolen. Wrecked. Cheated. You feel betrayed. You want to scream, but will anyone hear you?
You are left alone staring into a giant hole of emptiness where you once held a very real future filled with love and laughter.
Now you are looking down a never-ending tunnel with nothing but more pain and darkness at the other end.
You want to strike out at someone, but who?
You want to make someone pay, to be held accountable for the great injustice bestowed upon you. But the reality is, you and you alone are picking up the tab. You are paying in tears.
Of course, you feel depressed!
Your heavy heart shuts down tight. Nothing gives you a bit of peace or pleasure. In fact, hanging on to what once was, there is a part of you that doesn’t even want peace or pleasure, just your life back and the person you love at your side. Your heart is breaking, and as you look around at the world, everyone is busy living their own lives, not even aware that you are in pain.
They laugh while you weep. They go about their lives as if nothing happened.
In fact, nothing has happened to them— yet — but there is no comfort in knowing that someday, everyone will feel as you do now.
Over time, we all experience terrible losses.
We all seek comfort from pain.
At some point, we all are miserable, unhappy, and joyless.
We have lost the battle, lost the war, and are now left to pick up the broken pieces of our lives and find some level of solace in commiseration.
We truly believe those feelings will never be replaced with our “old normal”, nor the “new normal” that has been thrust upon us.
We feel those negative feelings will never go away now, and that our “new normal” will never be our more desired “old normal” again. Indeed, each morning when we awaken and each night before we go to sleep, we grieve.
And we certainly appreciate the fact that grief is the price we pay for love.
Today, as you read this, the whole idea of gratitude may not seem at all applicable or appropriate to how you are feeling right now.
As a man who has been where you are now, I’m telling you that expressing Gratitude is essential to your healing.
Without it, you will never find the life you are so desperately seeking. I know this is a bold statement, but it is time for you to look at your life, not your loss. Even the concept, the idea of gratitude, seems so outlandish you cannot imagine someone telling you it is time to count your blessings.
But to move from grief to Grace, you must.
Summary
Due to events beyond your control, your life has changed. The loss of a loved one has altered your life forever.
You will never go back to the “old life” that was before.
It is only human that you thoroughly experience the grief of a tremendous loss in your life.
And yet, you are still here. Now what?
There is hope.
Gratitude can open a heart that may have become shut down and it can begin to ease the pain of where you are now. It can nurture a positive image of a new life—different from the past, no doubt—but one that can still have meaning and purpose in what is next.
The love for your beloved can be the force you need to move on—the positive resource you need to get yourself to a new starting point. One that includes a deeply held appreciation for all the gifts of happiness, love, and passion connected to your past and a commitment to extending those same joys and gifts into the future.
As hard as it was for me, and I know it will be hard for you too, you MUST choose Gratitude over despair, anger, and regret. This is where I get a little “preachy” and ask you to either defend your Grief or increase your State of Grace.
The choice is an either/or, binary. You either choose Gratitude or live with Grief far longer than necessary. You either Grieve With Grace or your life remains stranded in time.
Building your bridge across these troubled waters of loss starts with cherishing and honoring a love that will never end.
Be truly grateful for the love you were given and the love you received. To love and to be loved is the greatest gift of all.
Living with an “attitude of gratitude” means choosing to bring that gift with you as you take back control over your remaining life. A life lived with the power of resiliency to get up and get through whatever you need to do next to either continue your purpose or find a new one. To make sure the rest of your life becomes your best life possible.
Time does not heal all wounds.
His Grace combined with your G.R.A.C.E. heals all wounds.
Believe it. Now, share your beliefs.
Cross over the chasm of dread by building a bridge over those troubled waters. Your life is important. Do not spend one moment longer in Grief than you must.
Grief or Grace is a choice. Choose wisely.
Moving Beyond Acceptance…
The Healing Power of Gratitude
Below you will find several credible (but easy to read) articles that will cement your understanding of the power of Gratitude when healing from a great loss.
Now, we would like to guide your thinking here, giving you some specific ideas for actions you can use immediately. You can answer them personally, or use them as discussion group questions. They have been crafted to condense all the big points into actionable bits of great information!
Remember, to build your bridge of Grace you must move beyond merely accepting your loss. You must also accept responsibility for life after grief.
Your Gratitude Journal: Accepting Loss…
Your Gratitude Journal: Accepting Responsibility
Appendix Listings For The Curious & Committed…
As promised, we have included several valuable resources here to help you move from grief and move your life toward Grace. My goal is to give you the information and tools you need to overcome that “stuck” feeling you might find yourself in. In researching the field of advice to help you move from merely accepting grief vs. accepting your personal responsibility to grow forward, I discovered a wealth of information you might find very comforting or completely useless.
I understand.
My readers may want to understand the scientific aspects of this subject. Some will take my conclusions on the surface, others may want something of a professional bibliography. I decided to take a simple approach and give you a few select articles to help you better understand the practical science behind Grieve With Grace. Many of the articles are very complex and scholarly reviews of each of our 5 keywords.
I selected a few that I thought were easy to read yet give you the full flavor of the topic. If you are a professional Grief Counselor you will already have your own knowledge base, but will find clarity in the references below. If you are a person who is interested in becoming a Grace Counselor, the following will give you a platform for understanding.
Gratitude: Google “Psychology of Gratitude” for 31 million hits!
Resilience: Google, “Psychology of Resilience” for 117 million hits.
Authenticity: Google, “Psychology of Authenticity” for 118 million hits.
Creativity: Google, “Psychology of Creativity” for 110 million hits.
Empathy: Google, “Psychology of Empathy” for 87 million hits.
Article 1 Below: Gratitude Part 1: What is it and how do I include it in my life
Article 2 Below: How to cultivate gratitude during difficult times—and why it can make us all feel better
Article 3 Below: 10 Ways to Become More Grateful
Article 4 Below: 10 Ways to Be a More Thankful Person
Article 1: Gratitude Part 1: What is it and how do I include it in my life
Gratitude is an amazing emotion! Discover what it is and how to include it in your life.
Full link: https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/gratitude_part_1_what_is_it_and_how_do_i_include_it_in_my_life
Author: Jodi Schulz, Michigan State University Extension –
Article 2: How to cultivate gratitude during difficult times—and why it can make us all feel better
During the COVID-19 crisis, orders to shelter in place and practice social distancing can leave us more prone to focus on ourselves. But during times of high anxiety such as these, it’s actually more important than ever to think of others.
Full Link: https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/10-ways-be-more-thankful-person
Author: Ryan Fehr
This according to Ryan Fehr, an associate professor of management and Michael G. Foster Endowed Fellow at the UW Foster School of Business. Fehr is also a world-renowned expert on gratitude—which is a virtuous force in good times, and may have even more positive power in bad times.
“During a difficult time, gratitude is more important than ever,” he says. “Research shows that gratitude can help us cope with traumatic events, regulate our negative emotions, and improve our well-being. More importantly, gratitude can have a positive effect on our friends and family, too. It’s a small way to have a meaningful impact.”
Fehr recommends steps that you can take to cultivate gratitude this week:
Fehr’s five steps to gratitude in tough times
Step 1: Put your gratitude on paper
Write down the names of three people or things in your life you are grateful for, and why.
Step 2: Have a gratitude conversation
Have a conversation with a friend, family member or coworker to share what you’re most grateful for.
Step 3: Tell someone you appreciate them
Identify a specific person in your life and tell them why you are grateful for them over phone or video chat.
Step 4: Pay it forward
Find a way to show your gratitude to someone in your life by helping them in some small way.
Step 5: Reflect and repeat
Take a few moments to reflect on how your gratitude exercises went and commit to at least one act of gratitude every week.
For additional resources to cope with the COVID-19 crisis, Fehr recommends visiting the Greater Good Science Center site, which contains a wealth of research-backed information on maintaining well-being and building connections with others during this difficult time.
Article 3: 10 Ways to Become More Grateful
1. Keep a Gratitude Journal. Establish a daily practice in which you remind yourself of the gifts, grace, benefits, and good things you enjoy. Setting aside time on a daily basis to recall moments of gratitude associated with ordinary events, your personal attributes, or valued people in your life gives you the potential to interweave a sustainable life theme of gratefulness.
2. Remember the Bad. To be grateful in your current state, it is helpful to remember the hard times that you once experienced. When you remember how difficult life used to be and how far you have come, you set up an explicit contrast in your mind, and this contrast is fertile ground for gratefulness.
3. Ask Yourself Three Questions. Utilize the meditation technique known as Naikan, which involves reflecting on three questions: “What have I received from __?”, “What have I given to __?”, and “What troubles and difficulty have I caused?”
4. Learn Prayers of Gratitude. In many spiritual traditions, prayers of gratitude are considered to be the most powerful form of prayer, because through these prayers people recognize the ultimate source of all they are and all they will ever be.
5. Come to Your Senses. Through our senses—the ability to touch, see, smell, taste, and hear—we gain an appreciation of what it means to be human and of what an incredible miracle it is to be alive. Seen through the lens of gratitude, the human body is not only a miraculous construction, but also a gift.
6. Use Visual Reminders. Because the two primary obstacles to gratefulness are forgetfulness and a lack of mindful awareness, visual reminders can serve as cues to trigger thoughts of gratitude. Often times, the best visual reminders are other people.
7. Make a Vow to Practice Gratitude. Research shows that making an oath to perform a behavior increases the likelihood that the action will be executed. Therefore, write your own gratitude vow, which could be as simple as “I vow to count my blessings each day,” and post it somewhere where you will be reminded of it every day.
8. Watch your Language. Grateful people have a particular linguistic style that uses the language of gifts, givers, blessings, blessed, fortune, fortunate, and abundance. In gratitude, you should not focus on how inherently good you are, but rather on the inherently good things that others have done on your behalf.
9. Go Through the Motions. If you go through grateful motions, the emotion of gratitude should be triggered. Grateful motions include smiling, saying thank you, and writing letters of gratitude.
10. Think Outside the Box. If you want to make the most out of opportunities to flex your gratitude muscles, you must creatively look for new situations and circumstances in which to feel grateful.
Article 4: 10 Ways to Be a More Thankful Person
For years, researchers have been publishing studies about the effectiveness of an intervention that produces positive outcomes in nearly every arena of health and wellbeing. They have discovered that it boosts your immune system, lowers blood pressure, makes you feel more optimistic, decreases depression, improves your love life, and helps you cope with even the most life-threatening crisis.
Author:
Full LInk: https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/10-ways-be-more-thankful-person
Plus, it’s available to everyone, with no physical effort, and it’s totally free.
Interested? You should be. This magic therapy is gratitude, and you can start collecting its benefits today.